Thursday, March 10, 2011

Three Year Glitch

So, I'm not normally someone who watches the news. Ever. I tend to get my news from social media sites. News is just so sad and depressing, I tend to ignore it. So until it shows up on my Facebook feed, I'm clueless.

But I had to get my oil changed this morning, so I was at the dealership, and the news was on. And they were doing a story called the "Three Year Glitch." They referenced the movie "7 Year Itch" but since I've never seen it, I couldn't tell you what it's about. 

But the idea behind the story was that for the first 3 years of your marriage, you're in the "honeymoon" phase. So everything is shiny and happy and your husband can do no wrong. But once you hit 3 years, all the little things that were so adorable in the beginning, all turn annoying, and even the sound of their loud, annoying breathing makes you see red.

Less compliments. More complaints. 

It's inevitable that your relationship is going to evolve. You add a kid, a dog and a mortgage to the equation, and your relationship changes. That's life. I don't think a time frame matters. The effort matters.

It made me think of an article I read yesterday (on facebook of course, LOL)  called "Ten Things I Don't Want to Hear My Husband Say". I won't copy them here, but you can click the link and read it.

Basically, it talked about what she doesn't want to hear. Her husband's bathroom habits, a dirty joke he heard at work, etc. And while I'm sure she loves her husband, she obviously wrote it with a sense of humor. Perhaps a bit more negative than I like to be, but hey. But after reading through the comments, oh my gosh. 

So of these women are brutal! Seriously. Bitches. Basically saying that she should obviously get divorced if she's that miserable, that her husband should hire a lawyer and save himself from having to be married to such a complaining, nagging shrew. Do people not have a sense of humor anymore?

People complain. They vent. That's life. Perhaps it was a bad day. PMS.

Some of the 10 things I agreed with. 

I agree that I don't want to hear about bathroom habits. Thank you for sharing, but I feel like someone else with a Y chromosome can better appreciate that.  Is our marriage forever doomed? No. But if I can't even remember to close the bathroom door when I have to pee, the least I can do is smile and nod when hubby tells me that he pooped twice today.

And some I didn't agree with. If I "slave all day making a hot meal" and it totally sucks, then nicely tell me so I won't waste my time again, and then take me to Cici's. Cause, yeah,  I probably don't want to eat my sucky meal either.

And when she said that she doesn't want to hear about his headache or his throat ache, and he should call his mom. Big negative on that one. I want to know if my hubby isn't feeling well. Isn't that part of being married? To commiserate? Plus, if you're all trying to kiss on me, I'd like to know if you have a sore throat so I can pop some vitamin C.

And of course, there was the random liar commenter who said that their husband ALWAYS helps out around the house, their marriage is always wonderful, they have NO complaints at all. Blah blah blah. If your husband NEVER does anything to bother you, then consider yourself lucky that you're married to a robot and you better hope his batteries don't run out, or you'll actually have to live with a "real" husband like the rest of us, and put up with some annoyances every now and then.

It's like what I said in Operation: Better Wife.  People get lazy. It's easy to throw that hair in a pony tail, take a baby wipe to the armpits and rinse with some mouthwash and call it done.



Maybe the news struck me because Jake and I will be coming up on 3 years this April. We work really hard on our marriage. We do things to strengthen our marriage, like take a seminar every year called "Marriages That Last" but that's a blog post for a different day. And we still go on date nights. And maybe one of these days I'll actually shut the bathroom door when I pee.

I don't feel that there is a "Three Year Glitch".  I hope not. I mean, this is the man who held my hair back during all the days of morning sickness, and helped me use the restroom after my different surgeries over the years. The least I can do is fight every urge not to smother him with a pillow every time he forgets to turn off the closet light.

I'm sure I do things to annoy my husband. And I'm sure that if he thinks really hard, he might eventually be able to come up with one or two things to complain about. :)



So what do you think? Is there such a thing as a 3 Year Glitch? If you read the article, did you agree it was an attempt at humor? Or whining and bitching from a doomed marriage?


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Kristen said... [Reply to comment]

Eh, I think she was trying to be funny. She did sound kind of bitchy, though. Based on that article, I'm not sure I'd want to be married to her. Could she write another article telling us what she DOES want to hear from him? Cause there's not much left... Saying the marriage is doomed may be a little harsh, though. I think perhaps she was just venting... a little inappropriately.

Different people have different hot buttons. I definitely want to know if my husband is not feeling well, but, well... he tends to err on the side of whiny. Low pain threshold and all. He's a worse patient than any of my kids. And I said, "WORD." out loud when she got to #9 about not wanting to talk about being in the mood. Let's either do this, or not. Talking about whether or not is gonna happen is a sure way to convince me that it's not worth the trouble. So unromantic!

Is that your wedding dress in that picture? Because if it is, I love you now more than I did before, which is, like, A LOT.

~Dawn~ said... [Reply to comment]

Hi Jennifer - I did not read the article. But, personally don't believe in the "Three Year Glitch". I'm 28 and have been married to my husband for 7 years. No, things aren't completely the same as when we were first married, but I'm one who sees the glass half full. I have just as many faults and annoying habits as he does. But, having a husband who loves you for who you are is a blessing. :)

Dawn

Jennifer @lifecraftsandwhatever said... [Reply to comment]

@Kristen

Yup! That's my wedding dress. My mom made it for me. I tried on a bunch of different wedding dresses, but none of them were "me". So we bought a pattern and some fabric, and made some changes, and that's what we came up with.

Beth @beth-adam.blogspot.com said... [Reply to comment]

I think she was trying to be funny as well, but I have to agree with you Jennifer. :)

And Dawn when you said "having a husband who loves you for who you are is a blessing," I couldn't help but smile. Adam and I have been together for 7 years now, not married yet, but that will come soon enough. :) But I'm so tankful that he loves me for me, even though I'm OCD about everything and kind of crazy sometimes, it's nice to know he's always there for me. :)


Beth

Whimsy-ma-blog said... [Reply to comment]

Wow! You weren't kidding about the comments! Does anyone else find that the general public is just a bit too opinionated and more than a bit too willing to share?

We've been married 12 years and if there was a 3 year glitch, it's been too long ago for my pregnant brain to remember. I think it would be nice to have a timeline for when tough times were going to crop up in a marriage. Then you could say, "Ok, we're at the 5 year and 6 month glitch. It will last for 3 weeks. Adios. See ya when its over." Instead it all seems just like flukes. Not necessarily related to how good/bad life is going or anything. Maybe its just hormonal. Like I have monthly hormonal swings and his are every 2 1/2 months. So every so often our bad times coincide and all hell breaks loose! Yup. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

Whimsy-ma-blog said... [Reply to comment]

And the dress is beautiful!

Christine @ craftygeordi.blogspot.com said... [Reply to comment]

Darn it, I got caught up in reading all of those other fascinating stories on the links there!
Maybe I am getting myself into hot water here but it seems that the husband is supporting her financially? She gets to stay at home with the kids while he works? I have to take care of kids, house and yard AND go to a full time job to support my household. I would totally listen to some dirty jokes and poop habits for such a sweet deal. Heck, I would even accept an occasional dutch oven to be able to stay home and have someone else earn the dough.

Kris @ everywhereorange.com said... [Reply to comment]

I don't think there is a 3 year glitch. I just had my 7th wedding anniversary 2 weeks ago and i think you just evolve as a couple. the key is communication. My hubby and i rarely have fights like we did when we were first dating long distance because we talk about things as they come up in a nice way.
What I love about your blog is that you have reminded me to be a better wife. I have been wrapped up in the being a mom for the past 2 years. i forget i am always wearing a ponytail and sweats. and the worst part is, i will leave the house with my hubby like that. thanks for the reminder that a little effort to be a better wife is a good thing. Now i actually put on jeans and makeup before going out with him.

I think you guys are going to be great, 3 years is a great milestone. there will be no glitch for you :)

Fabulously Flawed said... [Reply to comment]

First of all, rent The Seven Year Itch. Ok? Sit and drink your champagne and watch it.

And duh, of course things change. Love doesn't change though. You guys are solid.

I've been married 15 years. I think my husband is way hotter now than he was 15 years ago. Because of all of our shared experiences, because of all of the times I've witnessed my husband hurt and love and hate and crumble...all of that makes marriage stronger.

Athena said... [Reply to comment]

Having been single for far to long (9 years)I don't feel like I should comment on this but REALLY want to. The man that I hope to marry I hope is my best friend, I understand how if he comes home with the dirty joke that he may be treating me like a roommate and not a wife, but I hope that we have a relationship that he feels that he can come to me and I don't want to post or write something funny or not that could make him not ever feel comfortable coming to me.

My marriage lasted not even a year but at the time I had A LOT of emotional problems and I think perhaps that is where it comes from, when one person is not emotional in the marriage then they other spouse needs to help fight and not run out on them. 3 year itch, 7 year itch, mid-life crisis. I think that it is just daily life and respect to one another needs to be key.

But in all honesty what do I know? I haven't been in a relationship in over 9 years, are my standards to high? :0

Jodi said... [Reply to comment]

Don't let all that bother you! I have been married to my hunny for 20 years(most people thought we wouldn't last), I love him more everyday and I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else. There are alot of couples in our town that know us and are jealous of us because we are so close. We spend alot of time together; we go to lunch together almost everday and I still get butterflies and can't wait to see him when he is away! If you have a strong relationship, you will last forever!

Jodi

A Helicopter Mom said... [Reply to comment]

I saw the article but didn't read it. I'm definitely glad I didn't read the comments now!

I'm following you back. I'm sorry it took so long...I just learned about my spam folder. Duh. :)

Have a great weekend!

Mickey
www.ahelicoptermom.com
.

The Richardsons said... [Reply to comment]

My husband and I are going on 4 years of marriage this summer. I find it funny that someone can say that after a specific amount of time, you're suddenly going to hit a rough patch.

- We hit a bump year one when things got hard financially.
- We hit a bump year two when we started seeing changes in each other that we didn't expect.
- I'm sure there was a bump in year three somewhere :)

But honestly... I've been with my husband for 6 years... hearing about his trip to the bathroom does anything but phase me anymore.
I listen to the stupid joke he heard at work and I pretend to think there's anything even remotely comical about it.
And when my big, tough, hardworking Superman gets sick with a minor flu, all I want to do is make sure he has hot soup, juice, and a cuddle up with him until he feels better. No matter how pathetic I think he's being.

When did a marriage become about one individual? Why should we feel like we shouldn't be expected to do any more when we feel like we've done enough? In a marriage, there should be an ongoing competition to DO for the other.

I see that the woman who wrote this, wrote with humor. It's the women who have commented that clearly have issues with their husbands and the stupid little things that bug them. We all go a little crazy every once in a while, but really... If you can't learn to get over the little things that don't matter, what fight will you have left when one of you loses a job when you are 5 months pregnant and have a never ending list of bills to pay?

That's just my 2 cents :)

The Richardsons said... [Reply to comment]

@Christine @ craftygeordi.blogspot.com
Your dutch oven comment is killin me... Hahaha!!

Michelle @ Loving Every Second said... [Reply to comment]

I didn't read the article, but I totally don't believe in a three-year glitch. My husband and I have been married for six years. Things are still great all around. Even better than ever! We pee with the door open, we tell each other when we don't feel good . . . communication is key for us! We share everything with each other and we respect each other. I think that's why we have such a strong marriage. Obviously everything isn't perfect, marriage is hard no matter what. But I think we do pretty good, three-year glitch or not :)