Thursday, March 31, 2011

Marriage is for suckers

Well, according to some of my facebook friends, it is.

What is it about facebook that makes people want to spill their guts? When did FB become a personal diary? Did people forget that other people can read it?

I don't mind the updates. I'm lazy, so I like being able to keep up with people, without having to send out emails, photos, etc. What I do mind? People bashing their spouses, and forgetting that everyone can read it.

You want to post that you had a bad day? Have at it. Your kids are driving you crazy? Yeah, mine are too. Your car isn't running right and you might have to buy a new one? I get it.

But when people start posting "My husband is such a d-bag, I can't believe I married that effer",  I have a problem with that. Especially when in ten minutes, they've deleted it and replaced it with "I heart my hubby, he's super duper awesome!" So, because you've made up and things are all sunshine and roses again, you think deleting the crap you just wrote about him makes it so it never happened?

I don't care if hubby and I have just had World War 3, you will never hear about it on FB. I have more respect for my husband, angry or not, to ever degrade him in "public". And yeah, yeah, I get it, your page is "private" so it's okay. Well, unless you have NO friends on your page, what you just wrote was read by your friends, your family, and I'm sure your spouse. Why expose the rest of the world to your private problems?

I posted the above status on my FB yesterday, after reading someone's status. Basically, she said that she's always been miserable in her ten plus year marriage and she thought that marriage is supposed to be fun. Then, her husband comments and says he agrees, that he's miserable too and marriage isn't what he thought. Well congratulations, you both look like idiots.

But one thing that really made me smile? A friend commented on my status and wrote some really sweet things.

Did I mention that I've never met her in person, and she's only met my husband once? So, her view of our marriage is strictly based on what we say about each other on FB, and what she's heard about us from other people.

The stuff you will see on my (and hubby's) facebook?

Jake and I obviously joke around a lot, appreciating your spouse doesn't always have to be all mushy, lovey-dovey, "You make the birds sing and the sun rise" stuff.

But when did people forget that they are supposed to lift up their spouse, not bring them down? When did your vow to "love, honor, and cherish" your partner become "love (when it's easy), honor (when you feel like it), and cherish (when it's convenient)?"

My marriage isn't perfect, no one's is. But when I'm feeling upset or something, I have a couple of girlfriends that I talk to. That's fine, and HEALTHY. It's healthy to talk about your problems. What I don't find acceptable or appropriate is to  rant, bitch, and degrade your spouse to ALL of your friends, family, acquaintances, old high school classmates, etc on a place like FB.

Think about it. Some people's only view of you and your marriage is through what you post (because it's not just close friends that we have on FB that know the whole story, you have acquaintances on there too). And that goes for blogs too. If ALL you ever do is post about how miserable you are, what an idiot your spouse is, how much you hate your life, well guess what. People are NOT sympathizing with you. We're thinking that maybe it's YOU with the problem, since you'd rather spend your energy bitching about your spouse than talk to them. Because God forbid, you actually have to WORK at your marriage. Crazy idea, right?

Think about what you're writing before you hit that "share" button. Because even though you may go and delete it, you've just broken down your marriage a little bit. Your anger will subside, but the damage remains. 


27 people love me:

Christine @ said... [Reply to comment]

so true, right? I have some married friends who always post mushy little notes to each other. its soooo cute! I can't stand those negative "oh, poor me, life sucks". I never, ever reward them with a comment.....luckily I have yet to see any spouse bashing on my FB.

Dragonfliez Made said... [Reply to comment]

Love it! Shared it!

I have seen spouse bashing, family bashing, girlfriend/boyfriend bashing... IT HURTS.
I dont enjoy reading it.

Ches said... [Reply to comment]

This is so true, but I have to admit that I have said things about my spouse to friends and family that probably would have been best left unsaid. I dont post that stuff on fb, though. I appreciate that you and your hubby lift each other up its good to know that some marriages are working the way God intended them to be. Thanks for sharing your point of view.

Life, Crafts and Whatever said... [Reply to comment]


Talking to your friends or family is healthy. I'm talking about the full, out, "I hate my husband, he's so stupid and I can't believe I had a baby with him, and hell yeah I cheated on him, he deserved it and I'd do it again" posts on FB. And yes, I've actually read one like that.

Unknown said... [Reply to comment]

There are a couple people on my Facebook friends list that do this on a consistent basis. So consistent, in fact, that I posted a comment very similar to the one you posted. Then I blocked their updates from appearing on my wall. :-) There was one girl who got married to the guy she'd been with for years, they were over the moon happy. He cheated on her, he was the worst person in the world. They got back together, another trip over the moon. He left her, he was horrible. She would post multiple times in one day! I think there are some people out there who need an inordinant amount of attention and have no idea how to get it in a healthy fashion.

My hubs and I definitely don't air our problems to the world and absolutely NEVER on Facebook!! :-)

Anonymous said... [Reply to comment]

i'm feeling you on that one jennifer. that's one of the reasons why i resisted facebook for so long... to me it's just dumb. but we did just recently started our own pages for business reasons... but we're not friends on there and we don't post any personal info. if it's not business related it has no place on a wall... period.

Nadine said... [Reply to comment]

Facebook is so awkward! I don't understand why, if you were feeling like bitching about your personal life, you would't just shoot your best friend an e-mail rather than telling the entire world. I think it's great that you guys share cute messages on facebook, and yeah, it's nice to see!
My fiance recently posted this "I love the new Strokes album like it's got nerd glasses and freckles." (hint: *I* have nerd glasses and freckles.) :)

-Hynz- said... [Reply to comment]

What a great post!
I have friends like that and they would change their relationship status constantly too! It starting to get in my nerves, so I just made sure I don't get updates from them.. I avoid saying anything though, because I understand that could be the dynamic of their relationship, an ebb and flow that they gotten use to.

I just didn't want her energy on my space..

Lesley said... [Reply to comment]

Not only is it disrespectful and sad, it's cowardly.
If you have something to say you should say it to the person it's directed at. Not put some passive aggressive statement out there only to delete later. Dude, I have someone on my facebook that is the queen of that. Posting statements and then later deleting them. You know those ones? You get a notification that someone commented on something you wrote, you look at it, it's rude or backhanded. You look at it one minute later and it's gone. Oh yeah, you erased it so now you're not a jerk? Um, no. You totally are.
My husband and I are a little more private about our relationship. I rarely write anything about him on facebook because what happens, good or bad in our relationship is nobody's business. I'm not out to prove our love nor would I ever want anyone to think he's a bad guy just because we had a disagreement.

Angie said... [Reply to comment]

LIKE. :)

Rhiannon said... [Reply to comment]

so very true... where's the like button on this post?? I cant stand that as well. No marriage is perfect, no relationship for that matter, but why put it on blast for everyone to see?! Doesnt that make it that much harder and hurtful?! I totally agree with you!
and since were talking about it, why in the world would people post about their bowel movements on FB as well?!?!?

Jenn @ Peas and Crayons said... [Reply to comment]

Oh man! so agree! People air it alllllll out on FB these days! My friends and I always poke fun at some of the more dramatic statuses.

I heart my hubby-- i'm glad you're on fbook to set a GOOD EXAMPLE! <3 hehe

Jenn @ Peas & Crayons

Melanie said... [Reply to comment]

Amen Jenn! Has no one heard of a United Front? My hubs and I fight, and I will whine about it to a select few but it never makes it to the social networking scene.
I love that you and your hubs comment on each others FB. Way to go!

Tiffany said... [Reply to comment]

This is so true, I can't stand seeing those types of updates and have blocked or deleted those that I saw it from constantly.
Of course there are times where I think hubby is being a big Dbag, BUT I know that is just an in the moment feeling for me, I don't think he is always a Dbag, so no I won't post that. I will just tell him! :)
If I really need to vent, I can call my best friend, she understands my need to vent and knows how I truly feel about hubby and doesn't hold my venting against him. Same goes with her calling me to vent when she needs to.

Unknown said... [Reply to comment]

Hello Beautiful!!!

I love you, I love your blog, and I love our life. You're an amazing woman and I'm lucky to be able to post nice things about you on Facebook. I am the one who is blessed. Ups and downs, lefts and rights, you're the one I want beside my side.

I love you my beautiful, amazing, sexy wife.

Love your Husband forever.

Jake :)

(PS And no she didn't pay me to write this)

Anonymous said... [Reply to comment]

love it

Jill said... [Reply to comment]

You said what I'm sure soooo many people feel but would never have the guts to admit. I hate that too. FB status updates frustrated me a lot in general (I'm judgy like that, oops)

Bella @ Bella before and after said... [Reply to comment]

So true. Even though I am all over the place now, have a blog, facebook, tweet, etc. I like to keep my family life as private as can be. I've been asked many times why I don't update more pics, and family stuff on facebook especially, and I always answer the same thing. It's MINE, and I don't need everyone knowing everything about us.

Kinda weird, I know, if it makes any sense, but my kids, husband, and family are like mine, and I don't need, or want anybody butting in too much, or knowing EVERY SINGLE thing we do, or say, or think.

Again, thanks for bringing up such a great topic.

Bella :)**AMAZE ME AUGUST** @ Bella Before and After

Julie said... [Reply to comment]

There is a girl that I knew from HS that does the exact same thing. She goes from hating this guy and wanting to get a divorce because he cheated on her one week in to marriage and now they are still together but every so often she has that I hate so and so post because of _____. I don't get it honestly. My Jake (hehehe had to throw that in there because obviously Jake's are just awesome!) and I are just like you two.

Hey if you aren't doing anything next Saturday (4/30) and want to come out to Laci's bd party I would love to meet you and Jake. There would be no need to bring anything (the child -Laci- has enough stuff), and I am sure the girls would have a great time. Let me know and I can send you the info. But to warn you we usually end up with about 75 ppl or so at the casa, so it is crazy and we may not get to talk a ton. But we will have a bounce house, a face painter (don’t ask Jake decided that it was a great idea – I feel like I have two kids yet only one is really a child), PLENTY of FOOD & Cake!!, and The Cat in the Hat. No pressure, but if you want to just let me know, if not maybe we can schedule to have the girls have a play date sometime in the near future.

Julie said... [Reply to comment]
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said... [Reply to comment]

Hi Jen!

Reading your blog is my favorite time of the day! Thank you for this post. I don't have a husband yet, but the lessons you shared can be applied with boyfriends, right?

You and Jake are amazing. Love you!

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Kate said... [Reply to comment]

Great post!

Kate said... [Reply to comment]

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