Sunday, February 27, 2011

Sunday Stream of Consciousness- Operation: Better Wife

This is my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post hosted by all.things.fadra. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

    •    Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
    •    Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
    •    Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.


Five minutes. Got it. Ready, set, go.


So, I told Jake about a week ago that I was going to try and be a better wife. I'm not a "bad" wife. I couldn't cheat on him, ever. Hell, I wake up crying when I have dreams that I'm dating/married to another man, even if I'm not married to Jake in my dream, so there is no cheating involved. He knows when I wake up upset, that in my dream he's died and I've moved on. Or I never met him, something like that. So not dreams of actually cheating, he's just not there. Does that make sense? Thankfully he doesn't read into it and over analyze, he knows that a dream is a dream. 

But seriously, I would walk through fire for that man. 

I do all the stuff I'm "supposed" to. I take damn good care of Ava, to the point where sometimes I'm the only one who can comfort her. Anyone else can hold her and she'll still be fussing. hand her to Mommy and all is right in the world. 

And I take care of the house, most days. Jake is awesome about helping me with chores, but I try to get it done before he gets home from work. He works HARD. And he comes home and does freelance most nights. So I don't want him to have to work all day and then worry about laundry. He does the stuff he needs to, like taking out garbage, helping with Ava, doing homework with Arielle, reading stories to the girls before bedtime. 

But there are some days that I don't touch the house. At all. Glue gun on the counter, laundry all over the bedroom floor, the bathroom a mess, etc. He never complains though, as long as there is a hot meal on the table. And not hamburger helper, which is banned from the house, hubby says it's not "real" food, LOL. So I do cook every night. Stuffed bell peppers. Enchiladas. Salmon. Casseroles. "Real" food like that. 

But I've been lazy with myself, which equals not being the best wife that he deserves. Hair in a ponytail. No make up. The dreaded comfy pants. I think it's easy to be lazy with your appearance when you're a stay at home mom. I mean, who sees you all day? I can go most days and not see anyone besides Jasmin's bus driver. My husband sees me, that's who.
 
I did a make up post a few days ago, telling you my make up process. Seriously, it takes me all of 5 minutes. And it doesn't take me too long to do my hair. Or throw on a pair of jeans. Or put on a bra. But I don't do it, most days. 

And that's not fair to him. Why put on make up when I go to lunch with a girlfriend, but I can't even take 5 minutes to make myself look pretty for my husband? I know he loves me regardless, but he deserves as much attention to my appearance as my friends do. 

So I told him that "Operation: Better Wife" was in effect. And yes I called it that. I'm going to take the time to run a brush thru my hair and avoid the ponytail, regardless if Ava grabs those little baby hairs on the back of my neck and pulls them. I'm going to take 5 minutes to put on make up, even though Ava likes to suck on her fingers and then caress my cheek. I'm going to put on jeans, even though comfy pants, are well, comfy. 

He deserves that.


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CrunchyVTMommy said... [Reply to comment]

I LOVE this and have been making the same efforts lately as well. Also don't you just feel better when you do yourself up?

Dixiejet said... [Reply to comment]

I need to do this too but I need to drop about 50 lbs so I can WEAR some of my jeans... :o(

all.things.fadra said... [Reply to comment]

This is a great post and one that more women need to read. You definitely have me beat with the housework and cooking because I hate both of those. But I do always try to make myself presentable for my husband. I care what he thinks and always want to be pretty for him.

differentbreed said... [Reply to comment]

I went through the same thing a few months ago...I do this to make myself feel better and for him....I'm a year into the SAHM thing and I felt like I started to lose ME...and US...to pj pants and naps and unbrushed hair...ick!

Monica @ MonicaWantsIt.com said... [Reply to comment]

I am totally guilty of this, I even wrote about this kind of thing recently. With all my focus on exercise, etc. I don't ever really make myself pretty for him. We don't have kids, so no excuse there for me, but I think my hubby deserves a pretty lady to come home to. I need to work on that some more.

Kara said... [Reply to comment]

Great post. It reminded me of the early years of my marriage when it seemed pointless to care about my appearance when my days were full of changing diapers and wiping noses. Still, I'd watch the clock and run to tidy my hair & put on make up before hubby got home. I did it for him - but I also did it for me.

PBJdreamer said... [Reply to comment]

great post!

When I was a stay at home mom I used to give myself one,, stay in the jammies all day,,day

Taking the time to get dressed in something that I felt pretty in really helped me to be more productive.

Do it for yourself as much as your hubby!

Heather said... [Reply to comment]

This is a GREAT post! It totally makes me think, too. While it is 3:44 in the afternoon and I may or may not be still in my pjs, no bra, and no make up, the husband deserves to come home to more than that.

Thank you!

Mommy This and That said... [Reply to comment]

I think if my husband read this he would ask where he could sign me up. I'm a good wife but I haven't been lately. Of course being preggo has a lot to do with it. If I could just always prepare a good meal and dress up, I think he would be the happiest husband in the world!

Kristen said... [Reply to comment]

Yeah... I know. I feel like it's just starting to slip away, like... how did I go this whole day without brushing my hair? And then I realize that I'm starting to sound like my Mom did when I was little, because I'm saying things like, "We have to get these toys picked up before your father gets home." And it's totally not a threat, but it's TRUE - and now I understand so much better why she used to do it. I'm trying to go back to wearing skirts and shorts and not just jeans all the time, even though they're much better for crawling around on the floor. I'm trying. Thanks for keeping me honest. :-)

Amna said... [Reply to comment]

LOVE this post!! My parents came to visit my hubby and me (we currently live overseas as expats), and my mom was like "you wear THAT all day???" She opened my closet and found my huge stash of nice clothes and made me wear them for the hubby.

One of my friends always tells me the same thing and so the past few months I've been dressing up for him. All that involves is brushing my hair, changing out of his giant t-shirt and my pjs, putting on some eyeshadow and perfume. He gets SO happy just from that tiny effort. And, I don't usually clean....but when I do, its like the best thing ever for him.
I feel guilty, too, since he works all day (and sometimes nights from home) and I'm free to shop, spend all the $$, and hang out all day (no kids yet).
This post is inspiring...you DO have 3 kids. It makes me want to try harder and do more. :D
Thanks!

Matagi2011 said... [Reply to comment]

I was recently introduced to your blog and absolutely love this post. Too often we forget what our husbands deserve because we're just too used to them being okay with pretty much everything we do. Linking up to this post in my own blog. I hope you don't mind! If so, let me know and I'll remove the link.

Life, Crafts and Whatever said... [Reply to comment]

@Matagi2011

I don't mind at all, thank you!