Friday, March 25, 2011

Where are our manners?

So, I may or may not have been very nice to my husband earlier. 

My mom came over, and we'll be hitting up Kohls with our 30% off coupon later. But, the only snag to this situation is that my husband had my car, which means he had the carseat too. 

So I sent him a text, asking him if he's at work, and he texts back and says the guys talked him into going to Whataburger. So I told him that I needed the carseat out of the car, and will he still be there in 20 minutes, and he says yes. 

So I end up sitting in traffic for a while, thanks to the construction on highway 30 near my house. So I finally get to Whataburger, and I don't see my car. So I call him, already irritated that I just sat in traffic and he's not even there. And this is our conversation. 

Me: Hey sweetums! I'm at Whataburger and I don't see the car?

Him: Oh, we took Tony's car. 

Me: Well, I told you I was coming to get the carseat. So if I need the carseat, why are you telling me that you're at Whataburger instead of telling me the carseat is at your work so I could have saved myself the hassle of sitting in traffic?

Him: I'm sorry babe, I didn't think. I was thinking you were coming to get the keys. 

Except, the parts he said are all true, and my parts may or may not but probably are not true, and I may have started the conversation with "Damnit!" and dropped an f-bomb in the middle, and hung up at the end.

All is fine now, and I texted him about 10 minutes later to apologize (me being psycho would usually warrant a phone call, but I didn't because he was out with his friends). And he texts back and says no worries and he loves me and it's his fault for the mix up. I mean, awesome hubby, right?

And I got to thinking. You ever notice that we're nicer to complete strangers than the ones who love us? I mean, you're out at the store, and someone is in your way, and you say "excuse me", right? And what do you say when your kids are in the way? I don't know about you, but I say "hey, move it". Why do I not take the time to be polite to my own kids? Please tell me that I'm not the only one guilty of that? 

Not that all strangers are nice, though. I can't count the number of times I've held open the door for someone, just to have them walk through it without even a "thanks". I mean, how long does it take to be polite?

But I'm the one who will call you out on it too. 

One time we were at Walmart, and a lady picked up something off the shelf, and a bunch of other stuff fell off the shelf. My oldest daughter runs over to her, and says "I'll help you pick those up!" and picks them all up. The lady just looks at her, watches Arielle pick up HER mess, and has the nerve to not even say thank you. Arielle walks over to me, and says "Mom, I helped that lady and she didn't say thank you?" I said, very loudly and while looking at the lady, "It's okay, honey, you did a great thing. But some people just don't have any manners." To that, the lady mumbles "thanks" and walks away. 

Most people are nice when they see me walking up with a stroller or a carseat, and will take the time to open the door for me. And I do the same when I see a fellow mom. Camaraderie, right? But I'll still get that random person who will just let the door slam in my face, or squeeze past the stroller to get into the door first.

Is it rudeness? Or are people completely oblivious to others around them? Where are our manners?

It's gotten to where when hubby and I get great customer service somewhere (especially Walmart, grrr), we're almost surprised. It's like we expect the rudeness, and being polite is a rare thing. 

I was always raised to have good manners. If I called someone and their parents answered, I had to say "Hi, this is Jennifer, is Lesley there, please?" None of this "Lesley there?" crap. And I really try to teach my girls to say "please" and "thank you" and the importance of having manners. So why do we waste our time teaching our kids something that as adults, most of us don't use? 

Are you lazy with your manners? Could you stand to be more polite? Or do you want to punch rude people in the head as much as I do? 

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Emily said... [Reply to comment]

Every time someone is rude, I want to smack them. But, I guess that would be rude and I'd have to smack myself too.

Like you, I was raised with good manners. I had a friend who'd call our house and say "Is Emily there?" my dad would say "Yes" and then sit there with the phone in his hand waiting for her to say "May I please speak with her?" This went on for years!

It's so irritating when people try to squeeze in front of you when you're trying to maneuver a stroller through a door. Like the store has only one of every item left - and you are going to buy whatever crap that rude person wanted. Doubtful.

I could go on and on about manner. Don't even get me started on thank you cards!

Best,
Emily from Nap Time Is My Time

Sam @ The Junk House said... [Reply to comment]

I'm glad the comment before me mentioned thank you cards. I went to a wedding about 6 months ago and never got a thank you card for my gift or any kind of thanks. The same couple are having a baby soon, and guess what? I never got a thank you card for my baby gift either. I was raised to send thank you cards for every gift. I know people don't really do that anymore, but I know it's still proper to send thank you cards for wedding and baby shower gifts. I know this is kinda crappy of me, but I didn't get them as nice of a baby gift as I was planning because I knew I'd never get a thank you.

And I hate when people let the door fall on my face.

Sam
thejunkhouse.blogspot.com

Christine @ craftygeordi.blogspot.com said... [Reply to comment]

I always say please, thank you and excuse me to my family. That does not mean that there are no "Damnits!" or F-bombs in other conversations though, lol. But I do show appreciation to them and I expect the same in return. This leading by example has paid off, people are often surprised by my kids' manners :-)
About others - once, when I was very pregnant with my first, I was leaving a bank and a woman with 2 or 3 kids and all of their stuff rushed to open the door for ME! I was so blown away, its been 17 years and I never forgot her kindness.

Leontien said... [Reply to comment]

Well to be honest, American people in my opinion are still much more polite then Dutch people. But maybe it is a bit different when you live in a big city or in the country....?

Thanks!
Leontien

Meg said... [Reply to comment]

Ha! This made me laugh and shake my head in agreement. Just the other night hubs and I got in a fight about the DUMBEST thing and I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore I was so upset with him. Then I gave him the silent treatment the rest of the night. What?!? Why can't I be nice to my hubs, the guy who loves me for better or worse? I guess he got the "worse" part that night. I still feel bad about that! And...I have 3 kids under the age of 5 and I'm always happy when people stop to help me out! I need all the help I can get! Ha!

Kristen @ Who's Watching the Baby? said... [Reply to comment]

I'm pretty manner-ific. I use the same manners with my kids that I would with adults. It definitely takes a conscious effort, but it's pretty rare for me to actually yell and boss them around. This is mostly because there are so many of them, and if I got myself in a hissy every time one of them did something yell-worthy, I'd be yellin' all the time. I just try to stay calm and in control, and that results in good manners kind of by default.

I'm raising my sons to open doors, say yes ma'am and no ma'am, and be chivalrous - even with their sister. We'll see if it sticks.

Natalia Lynn said... [Reply to comment]

"Except, the parts he said are all true, and my parts may or may not but probably are not true, and I may have started the conversation with "Damnit!" and dropped an f-bomb in the middle, and hung up at the end." LOL!! Seriously. I think we all have been there! And if not, they're lying!

Whimsy-ma-blog said... [Reply to comment]

Amen, sister! I swear the treating your spouse with the respect you'd THINK you'd treat your favorite person with is hard. In my marriage, at least, when we focus on treating each other well, we tend to have good spurts. When we get lazy, things tend to get more rocky. SO hard to do though! ANd don't get me started on how hard it is to be as polite to my children as I sincerely want them to be to me! Especially when I'm busy or stressed or not feeling well. Can't count the number of times during this pregnancy I've had to go to my son and apologize for my crabby rudeness.

So good post for the reminder to think about it all again today as I have a nice long Saturday with my fam.

ellie said... [Reply to comment]

So true about being more polite to strangers. Thanks for the reminder, I'm going to work on being nicer to the hubby.

I have been pleasantly surprised at how polite have been to me since becoming a mom.

I was walking into a gas station lugging the ever heavier infant seat and baby behind a group of high school age boys. Now I'm already planning on getting the door for myself since I know teenage boys. Then the sweetest thing, one of the boys went way out of his way, turning back when he saw me over his shoulder to quickly get the door for us. I gave him a big smile/thanks combo. I wanted to tell him "Your momma would be SO proud of you and you're bound to have the hottest wife on the block."

Made my day.

Lesley said... [Reply to comment]

Oh golly, I am all manners!
You know what..I do try. I am usually very polite and very smiley and always say please and thank you. Everybody tells me that my kids are so polite and well mannered. But, honestly, we have always shown them through actions that manners are the only acceptable way to go. My hubby is over the top respectful of women and seniors and has taught the kids that you should always address older men as sir and older women as miss. And they do it! Maybe it seems over the top and old school to others but it's setting a foundation for the kind of adults they'll be.
As per your conversation: You're right to feel irritated. I hate feeling like my time has been wasted. But, the man is your prince and should be treated as such. It's hard because when we feel comfortable expressing our feelings we tend to take advantage of that comfort and sometimes abuse it.
Some people though, sweetie, don't ever feel sorry that they lost their shit on their sweet husbands.
You know. He knows. Still love like crazy. That's all that matters.

Michelle @ Loving Every Second said... [Reply to comment]

Oh man. I can SO get like that w/ my husband! But then a total stranger does something rude, and I smile and say, "Oh, it's okay". What is wrong with us?! Another thing I need to work on . . .