Sunday, March 27, 2011

SOC Sunday- Gorgeous? Tiny? Are you talking to ME?

This is my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post hosted by all.things.fadra. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

    •    Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
    •    Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
    •    Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.

Five minutes. Got it. Ready, set, go.

So, you'll have to forgive me if this is a blah post. I still feel like hell.
We donated blood yesterday, me for the first time. Needles? Ugh. I hate needles. Yes, the chick with all the tattoos and piercings hates needles. That scene in Saw 2 when that dude throws Amanda in the pit of needles? Ugh, made my skin crawl. And I apparently have great veins and I never have a problem when they go to draw blood.

So I donated, and felt really damn proud of myself. Ava needed two blood transfusions when she was in the NICU, so Jake and I said we were going to start donating regularly.

I was fine when it was over, but about an hour or so later, I start dry heaving and feeling like crap. Mind you, we just sat out in the sun for an hour, watching my middle daughter's soccer game. So i think the heat and the blood drawing combined kicked my ass. I still feel like crap. 

But the point of this post, you ask? When the tech was finishing up, she said "Since this is your first time donating, and since you're so tiny, go grab a powerade and a snack and hang out for ten or so minutes so we can keep an eye on you." 

And my immediate thought? "Who, me? Tiny? Are you crazy? I'm bloated cause I'll be starting my period soon. And I'm still working off those 8 lbs I want to lose. And I know you can see my muffin top thru this shirt."

And I posted a pic of me donating, and my girlfriend Erin thanked me for donating (she lost over 100% of her blood when she was delivering and is still alive. God is good) and then said I was "stinkin' gorgeous" in my pic.
And my thought? "Who, me? Cute, yeah. Some days even pretty. But gorgeous? Really?"

Why do we do that? Why are people so self deprecating? Is that a better option than "Hells yeah, I know I look good." Why can't we just accept a freakin' compliment? 

I read an article in Cosmo or Glamour about verbal and mental abuse. And the worst offenders? OURSELVES.

"You look fat in that outfit. Hello, cellulite thighs. Ever heard of braces, snaggletooth?"

You wouldn't say those things to a friend. So why do people think it's okay to say it to themselves?

Why is it so hard to believe the good things people say about us? Why is it easier to listen to the "you're stupid/fat/ugly/slutty/insert negativity here".

Can you truly, graciously accept a compliment? I mean, with JUST a "thank you" instead of the "thank you, BUT......."

Like, I get told I have really white teeth a lot. And my response? "Thanks, BUT I hate these little white lines on my teeth from when I had braces." 

Or, hubby will say "You look really gorgeous today, babe. I like your new lipstick color." And my response? "Thanks, BUT there isn't enough make up in the world to cover up this zit."

I come across as a super confident chick. But some days I can accept a compliment. Some days I can't. You?


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Lesley said... [Reply to comment]

I know it. I've lost a little weight and every single time someone says they see it I back it up like, " Oh, just a few pounds. No big deal. I can barely tell."
They could tell enough to mention it so why can't I just accept what they are saying?
I think we are so afraid of seeming vain and righteous and full of ourselves that we can't accept when people put us in a spot where we are praised. And how silly is that? I am working hard at this weight loss so if someone notices I should be happy. Instead I'm self aware and put on the spot.
I know I'm taking up your whole page with my comment here but have you ever read the book Captivating? There's a part in it when they say something like " Women are always so worried. Am I pretty enough? Thin enough? Sweet enough? Charming enough? Gracious and kind enough....without being too pretty, too thin, too honest, too...."
Anyways, we're so damned worried about looking like something or someone that we are not letting our authentic selves shine!

Rachel said... [Reply to comment]

I'll accept a compliment but will never believe it. It annoys the crap out of my husband. And I've been so down on my body since kids. His thing, people don't notice the negatives unless you point it out. Stop pointing it out!

I can totally feel you on this and good job donating!!

Melisa S. said... [Reply to comment]

Yep, I am my worst critic. My husband gets so mad when a compliment is followed by my whining about something negative. I am trying to be better about it but it's hard!

carolyn said... [Reply to comment]

i always make an ugly face whenever my husband compliments me. and it drives him crazy. i've been trying to smile and say thank you. but the hardest part is not internally rolling my eyes and saying, "yeah, right" to myself while i smile.

all.things.fadra said... [Reply to comment]

I know I wrote a post like that a while ago. It's like I'm always apologizing or downplaying anything anyone says to me. Oh I like your dress! I got it on clearance for only $10. I love you hair! Oh yeah, I have a new shampoo because normally it looks like crap. I do the same thing. It's because we have to live with and look at ourselves every day. It's tiring.

And next time, eat some cookies and some extra calories for the blood thing. I hate needles and always used the weight excuse for not donating (although I'm clearly over the weight limit now). But man, 100% of her blood? That's crazy.

Jessica said... [Reply to comment]

I often have a hard time accepting compliments, too. It's insane. I always get into an "awkward" mode when someone says something nice, even my husband. I mostly do say thank you for the kind words and smile, however.

Michelle said... [Reply to comment]

Thank you for posting this! I catch myself doing the "Thank you, but . . ." ALL the time. People are trying to be nice, just accept the stupid compliment! I need to work on this . . .

Deb said... [Reply to comment]

I struggle with this ALL THE TIME! Even my therapist pointed out my negative self-talk. Apparently I am guilty of using negatives in every-day conversation.

It's hard to accept compliments AND believe them. And do it graciously.

Wonderful post! And good for you... you donated blood. Excellent!

Gabriela said... [Reply to comment]

I do this all the time! My husband made me start saying "thank you for noticing" whenever he would compliment me. I would often sound like Eeyore and roll my eyes, sometimes I would sound more appreciative of the compliment.

I was just talking to my friend yesterday telling her she had to give herself credit for adjusting every time she's had a major change in her life. I made her say "thank you for noticing" and nothing else.

I think we've been told so much that no one likes a bragger that we've lost the ability to genuinely listen to a compliment and accept it without instantly negating it.

Glad you were able to donate blood!

heidi said... [Reply to comment]

Absolutely. And we totally kill ourselves with guilt in the same way, right? If we make a mistake we berate ourselves and never let it go. Had a friend made the same mistake we'd be all, "Are you kidding? You screwed up! No Big deal!! Just move right along."

I used to be a Blood Drive Coordinator and one thing we'd always tell people is that you need to eat some protein after donating. You burn something like 600 calories when you donate blood and most people don't think to replenish them.

Thanks for donating and I hope you feel better soon!

MAMA BRANDI said... [Reply to comment]

Yup. Absolutely been there. I'm getting better because my boyfriend is so ADAMANT in his's hard to think I'm not beautiful when someone is telling me all of the time! Kudos for your hubby for helping you remember!

Bella @ Bella before and after said... [Reply to comment]

Ok Jenn, I have to stop reading your blog now, DANG IT, you are addictive. In a good way.

EVERY single time I stop by, I get sucked in by your writing. There aren't many blogs that get me actually READING them.

This is a great one, I too am super, super, super guilty of never being able to just say thank you, and I hardly ever pep myself up, I don't know why either, because I'm always telling my kids the opposite of what I do.

Thanks for making it so clear to me. Just say THANK YOU, and STOP. When you look in the mirror, FORCE yourself to FOCUS on a good thing, rather than the bad ones, in time, I think it will be easier and easier.

Love ya girl!!!

Bella :)**AMAZE ME AUGUST** @ Bella Before and After