Here are the rules.
* Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
* Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
* Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
* Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
* Link up your post.
* Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
"I’m going to challenge you to go deeper. Before you sit down to write, think about what’s really in your head. Then write about it. For 5 minutes. That one thing. It doesn’t mean your keyboard won’t take you other places but let it flow. Try not to jump from one subject to another. Let your mind go deeper."
So, I'm new at this, so bear with me. Five minutes on the clock starts..... now.
This has been the longest week in history. The girls have been off of school since Tuesday because of the weather. The weather has been stupid crazy. I was in a tank top last weekend, and then we ended up with an inch of ice on the ground a few days later. Come on Texas, get it together. Thanks for giving me a reason to wear super cute hats, but seriously? Plus, my miniature dachshund refuses to go past the porch when there is snow on the ground. So there is pee and poo all over my back porch. Mmmm, thanks? Not that I can blame him. I can't say I'd want my bits to be dragging in the snow.
The girls are getting over being sick. Coughing, runny nose, slight fevers. So that, combined with the 6 degree wind chill, means I can't just send them outside to burn off some energy. So they have been cooped up in the house. And no matter what toys they have, what craft supplies, what games, etc, they are still following me around with sad, pleading eyes, begging me for the secret to unlocking their boredom. I'm sick too, so my patience is thin. And I find myself taking deep breaths and biting my tongue a lot. Which isn't fair to them. But I'm trying to keep my sanity too as the torture of cabin fever sets in. I can only play so many games of Memory before I want to punch myself in the face.
Am I the only mom who questions her success at being a mom? I see posts on Facebook where a mom will post "Today I took Johnny to the library and out to lunch, and now we're watching a movie and snuggling, I love being a mom!" Where as my status yesterday read "Am I the only one who is trying not to strangle my kids?" How does facebook make me feel so inadequate as a parent. Jake is awesome, as always, and always keeps me grounded. When I complained about that status I read, he puts it in perspective. He tells me that I'm honest, and facebook is full of shiny lies. Yeah, that mom took her kid to the library, to lunch and now they're watching a movie. But what she didn't write? The fact that Johnny peed on the floor at the library, he knocked over the ice cream cone stand at Jason's Deli, and they're snuggling so mom can restrain him from hitting her while they watch Toy Story 3 for the 40th time.
Jasmin always tells Jake "You're the best daddy I ever had!" So sweet, right? When she tells me that I'm an awesome mom, I immediately think "yeah, but I yelled at you to shut the door and stop air conditioning the outside. And I threw away the last 4 pictures you drew of Buzz Lightyear for me since I still have the first 3 you drew. And thank you for the hug but you're standing on my toes, and you just wiped sticky fingers on my new shirt." I need to remember not to compare myself to other moms. That I do the best with what I can. There is always room for improvement. I can have more patience. Less gritting my teeth. More hugs. Less saying no. I'm not Mary Poppins. I'm me. I'm not perfect and that's not okay. And it's okay that diapers make me gag. And I grit my teeth as I sweep up playdoh pieces for the billionth time. And I curse to myself as I step on another toy that's been left in the hallway. Cut yourself some slack, Jen.