Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sunday Stream of Consciousness- Mommy Trials

Hello, dear readers. I'm going to participate in a new link party I just found.


Here are the rules. 

* Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
* Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
* Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
* Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
* Link up your post.
* Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Today's Challenge? 

 "I’m going to challenge you to go deeper. Before you sit down to write, think about what’s really in your head. Then write about it. For 5 minutes. That one thing. It doesn’t mean your keyboard won’t take you other places but let it flow. Try not to jump from one subject to another. Let your mind go deeper."

So, I'm new at this, so bear with me. Five minutes on the clock starts..... now.

This has been the longest week in history. The girls have been off of school since Tuesday because of the weather. The weather has been stupid crazy. I was in a tank top last weekend, and then we ended up with an inch of ice on the ground a few days later. Come on Texas, get it together. Thanks for giving me a reason to wear super cute hats, but seriously? Plus, my miniature dachshund refuses to go past the porch when there is snow on the ground. So there is pee and poo all over my back porch. Mmmm, thanks? Not that I can blame him. I can't say I'd want my bits to be dragging in the snow.

The girls are getting over being sick. Coughing, runny nose, slight fevers. So that, combined with the 6 degree wind chill, means I can't just send them outside to burn off some energy. So they have been cooped up in the house. And no matter what toys they have, what craft supplies, what games, etc, they are still following me around with sad, pleading eyes, begging me for the secret to unlocking their boredom. I'm sick too, so my patience is thin. And I find myself taking deep breaths and biting my tongue a lot. Which isn't fair to them. But I'm trying to keep my sanity too as the torture of cabin fever sets in. I can only play so many games of Memory before I want to punch myself in the face.

Am I the only mom who questions her success at being a mom? I see posts on Facebook where a mom will post "Today I took Johnny to the library and out to lunch, and now we're watching a movie and snuggling, I love being a mom!" Where as my status yesterday read "Am I the only one who is trying not to strangle my kids?" How does facebook make me feel so inadequate as a parent. Jake is awesome, as always, and always keeps me grounded. When I complained about that status I read, he puts it in perspective. He tells me that I'm honest, and facebook is full of shiny lies. Yeah, that mom took her kid to the library, to lunch and now they're watching a movie. But what she didn't write? The fact that Johnny peed on the floor at the library, he knocked over the ice cream cone stand at Jason's Deli, and they're snuggling so mom can restrain him from hitting her while they watch Toy Story 3 for the 40th time.

Jasmin always tells Jake "You're the best daddy I ever had!" So sweet, right? When she tells me that I'm an awesome mom, I immediately think "yeah, but I yelled at you to shut the door and stop air conditioning the outside. And I threw away the last 4 pictures you drew of Buzz Lightyear for me since I still have the first 3 you drew. And thank you for the hug but you're standing on my toes, and you just wiped sticky fingers on my new shirt." I need to remember not to compare myself to other moms. That I do the best with what I can. There is always room for improvement. I can have more patience. Less gritting my teeth. More hugs. Less saying no. I'm not Mary Poppins. I'm me. I'm not perfect and that's not okay. And it's okay that diapers make me gag. And I grit my teeth as I sweep up playdoh pieces for the billionth time. And I curse to myself as I step on another toy that's been left in the hallway. Cut yourself some slack, Jen.


14 people love me:

Janice said... [Reply to comment]

Amen, sister!

Unknown said... [Reply to comment]

Wow, Jennifer. I am so glad I found your blog the other day and checked blogger today ... your "Stream of Consciousness" was so "real" and I felt I could have been writing it! All those dang Facebook posts about "I did this, this and that with the kiddo" seriously make me feel like I'm lacking in the mommy-hood department sometimes!

Thanks for sharing! I think deep inside, even if some moms don't admit it, ... we're just all trying to survive! :o)

Janice said... [Reply to comment]

(I clicked 'publish my comment' before thinking...)

I have to say that I've been thinking about our email exchange from a week or so ago about the trials of mommyhood and have wondered several times, "Was her's only bad that one day, 'CAUSE EVERY DAY THIS WEEKS BEEN LIKE THAT FOR ME!"

So thanks for your honesty, again, in your blog. It spreads sanity and encouragement to the rest of us who are also nursing hurt feet from toys, digging playdoh out of the carpet and sneakily throwing out the second dozen pictures of the planets - yes, they are all circles...

Melissa said... [Reply to comment]

All moms have those feelings. You are doing a good job.

all.things.fadra said... [Reply to comment]

Oh yeah. I'm a picture perfect mom. Hold on while I go help my son build a tree fort and then patiently churn butter for the fun of it.

You have to remember that "those" people post the things they want other people to read. People like you and I use our social outlets as, well, an outlet. I actually prefer it that way.

Tiffany said... [Reply to comment]

I question my mom success pretty regularly. I get a lot of flack from family members about how I tell too much about my imperfections on my blog, and I think that's what the actual problem is. People only share the good and rarely reach out for support for the hard/frustrating/crazy-making stuff.

Nicole said... [Reply to comment]

Your honesty on mommyhood is refreshing, my kids only had two days off but I said even if they had a third day off I was ready to drop them off at school even if it was closed. My husband was also home those 2 days and I don't know about you but I seem to get nothing done when everyone is home, even the baby doesn't get his naps. On FB I try not to post how I am at my wits end and is it too early for a margarehtea at 11am simply cause my mom would read it and think there is something wrong with me, not the fact that my children haven driven me to insanity. So Thank you once again, nice to know I'm not the only one.

Rusti said... [Reply to comment]

can I get in your boat? because I think I'm drowning over here... oy, if you could see my FB statuses... up, down, all around... you wanna hear about mom guilt? nevermind. it would take too long to type it all up... I've seen the posts all over FB this week saying things like "we've have XX many snow days this week - I'm not ready for the weekend?" and "oh they're going to get to go to school today - there is a God!" and it reassures me that I am NOT alone... you're not either. *HUGS*

Larissa said... [Reply to comment]

Wow, it could have totally been me writing this! It's so nice to know I am not alone. My kids are currently yelling out the window at the neighbor kid who is outside in the rain, playing in 2 feet of snow. And I am not even judging neighbor mom for sending him out there. :)

Five Seconds From Crazy said... [Reply to comment]

What? I'm not the only one who wants to punch herself in the uterus sometimes and tell it it's evil for producing such pains in the neck?

I have a bud on facebook who writes the most sing songy statuses all about what a hands on mom she is but if you look at her twitter account, she is literally on there

Annette said... [Reply to comment]

I love this post. Yes, all too often bloggers only post about the good stuff, but the reality is that not all days are perfect (not even close to perfect). I love your honesty and candor!

By the way...I'm returning the follow. It's so nice to meet you!

SkinnyMeg said... [Reply to comment]

J is right, people usually only tell the happy side of their day\life\marriage so things seem perfect when NOTHING is perfect :) You're a great mom whose kids are well behavied {when it counts!} and they are great sisters to each other! I fell 'less' than in many areas of my life too, I try not to compare myself to other moms or women. I just do the best that I can do!

SJ @ Homemaker On A Dime said... [Reply to comment]

You just said the raw truth about mommyhood :) What helps me get through during those gagging moments is to remember that they'll soon grow up and I won't have to clean up after them for long.

Courtney @ We Three Dyes said... [Reply to comment]

Thank you for having this post! I have been feeling this way for a while about my mommy skills/thoughts. It's nice knowing there are others feeling the same way. Thank you!