You know what's funny? I don't write half of the things that I think. And why? Because I'm worried about offending some reader who is a complete stranger, who will then dismiss me, which will totally bother me? Yes, that's why.
I try to be pretty upbeat and chipper in my blog. All sunshine and rainbows and fluffy pink unicorns. But I'm not always like that. Let's be honest, I'm rarely like that.
In real life, I'm super sarcastic. And I curse. Like, way more than I should. And while I'm cursing, I wish bad things on people who piss me off. Like when the stupid old man who pulled out directly in front of me while I was going 50 MPH on the service road and made me spill an entire gallon of milk in my new car. Which made my new car smell like milk. And then rotten milk. And then vinegar when I tried to clean it up. I still curse that old man every time I get into my car, and it now smells like stale booty.
My blogger friend Lesley did a post called Fawk You Friday. And it totally made me laugh, because I can relate. I too will bite my tongue when my children are present, while silently hoping your head falls off. I too will try and be polite while you insist on feeling up my tattoos, while I'm thinking you're an idiot for thinking that it's appropriate to walk up without warning and rub on a stranger. I too will silently laugh when you flirt with my husband when we're out at dinner and ignore me, not realizing that I'm the one who decides what your tip is going to be.
But I don't write any that. I don't want to be the blog with a curse word every other word. That's not fun to read. But can I have a blog that is more "me"? Can I be witty and sarcastic, or does that send everyone running for the hills and fills my inbox with hate mail? I mean, it's MY blog, and I should be blogging for ME, and not because of who might read it. Right?
So yes, I was completely jealous of Lesley's post. J-E-A-L-O-U-S. Green eyed monster jealous. I mean, people were relating to her post. They were laughing! And I haven't heard her complain of any hate mail (although that would probably get you on her Fawk You list anyway, so who cares).
I mean, even this post, I find myself censoring... well, myself. I really wanted to say that my car now smells like ass. But I deleted that and wrote stale booty. Stale booty = reader friendly. Ass = hate mail and followers jumping ship.
But it's MY blog. I'm going to write what I want