Once a year, hubby and I take a seminar at church called Marriages That Last. It's 3 hours long, they provide breakfast, they have professionals come and talk to ya. It's pretty cool and we always leave feeling all newlywed-ish and warm and fuzzy.
One of the things they talk about is a book called The 5 Love Languages.
No, I'm not getting paid to tell you about this book. (But that'd be awesome.) Nor do I expect you to run out and buy it. But who doesn't want something to better their marriage?
If you go to their website, they have a free assessment test, where you can figure out what your love language is. There are 5 of them. duh.
Words of AffirmationActions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality TimeIn the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving GiftsDon’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of ServiceCan vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical TouchThis language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
I know mine is touch, followed closely by gifts. Hubby's is acts of service, followed by words of affirmation.
It helps to know your spouses love language. Like, if hubby tells me he washed my car for me (acts of service), yeah, it's great and I appreciate it. But since my love language is touch, him grabbing me and giving me a big bear hug is what would make me feel loved. And since hubby's love language is acts of service, yeah, he'd like it if I bought him a new shirt (gifts), he'd really feel the love if he came home and I had cleaned the house.
The book goes into more depth about the different love languages, and gives ideas on what you can do to speak your spouses love language.
Have you read the book? Heard of it? What's your love language? What's your hubby's?