Thursday, June 2, 2011

Now you're speaking my love language, baby

Once a year, hubby and I take a seminar at church called Marriages That Last. It's 3 hours long, they provide breakfast, they have professionals come and talk to ya. It's pretty cool and we always leave feeling all newlywed-ish and warm and fuzzy.

One of the things they talk about is a book called The 5 Love Languages.

No, I'm not getting paid to tell you about this book. (But that'd be awesome.) Nor do I expect you to run out and buy it. But who doesn't want something to better their marriage? 

If you go to their website, they have a free assessment test, where you can figure out what your love language is. There are 5 of them. duh. 

  • Words of Affirmation
    Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
  • Quality Time
    In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
  • Receiving Gifts
    Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
  • Acts of Service
    Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
  • Physical Touch
    This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

I know mine is touch, followed closely by gifts. Hubby's is acts of service, followed by words of affirmation. 

It helps to know your spouses love language. Like, if hubby tells me he washed my car for me (acts of service), yeah, it's great and I appreciate it. But since my love language is touch, him grabbing me and giving me a big bear hug is what would make me feel loved. And since hubby's love language is acts of service, yeah, he'd like it if I bought him a new shirt (gifts), he'd really feel the love if he came home and I had cleaned the house. 

The book goes into more depth about the different love languages, and gives ideas on what you can do to speak your spouses love language.

Have you read the book? Heard of it? What's your love language? What's your hubby's?


6 people love me:

Janice said... [Reply to comment]

I've never read it, but I've been to some seminars that have explained it and I feel like its a very helpful thing to know! It both helps me to know how to do things that my hubby will appreciate AND it helps me to appreciate things he does that maybe aren't my love language but they're his and I can understand better that he meant it in a good way. :) Good post!

I know there's a book that relates love languages to your kids too, and I think it would be great for me as a mom to think about their love languages and not just expect them to respond enthusiastically to mine!

Lesley said... [Reply to comment]

Acts of service!
So many men are brainwashed by movies and think that the only ways they can romance us is to buy us roses, cards and other expensive things when, in fact, the act of a simple, humble gesture can work wonders.
I know that one of the really big things that my husband appreciates is that I shower/ brush my hair/ put on mascara before he gets home from work. There are days when I don't feel like it and couldn't care less what I look like. He's working all day and wants to come home to see me looking fresh. I get that. I feel the same way.

Thanks for he review, sweetness. I'll put it on my list!

Jen @ Domesticated Nomad said... [Reply to comment]

You have been awarded...

Helen said... [Reply to comment]

I love that book!I think it's a great concept.

Jill said... [Reply to comment]

Thanks for sharing this - I'm going to bring it up to the hubs soon!

LP aka A Crafty Southern Chick said... [Reply to comment]

Someone suggested this book to me once, actually ended up buying and mailing it to me...and it was awesome! For the life of me, I can't remember what the hubs & I are, but it was NOT the same...and it explained a lot! I recommend it for sure :)